Page modified 8-29-08
BURMA
SHAVE SIGNS
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This
is a collection that I copied from various sources a few years ago and kept
in my humor file.
Any of you that remember these signs will enjoy reminiscing
1930
DOES YOUR HUSBAND
MISBEHAVE
GRUNT AND GRUMBLE
RANT AND RAVE
SHOOT THE BRUTE SOME
BURMA-SHAVE
1930
HINKY DINKY
PARLEY VOO
CHEER UP FACE
THE WAR IS THROUGH
BURMA-SHAVE
1933
HE PLAYED
A SAX
BUT HIS WHISKERS SCRATCHED
HAD NO B.O.
SO SHE LET HIM GO
BURMA-SHAVE
1934
COLLEGE BOYS!
YOUR COURAGE MUSTER
SHAVE OFF
THAT FUZZY
COOKIE DUSTER
BURMA-SHAVE
1935
YOU KNOW
YOUR ONIONS
LETTUCE SUPPOSE
THIS BEETS 'EM ALL
DON'T TURNIP YOUR NOSE
BURMA-SHAVE
1936
COOTIES LOVE
BEWHISKERED PLACES
CUTIES LOVE THE
SMOOTHEST FACES
SHAVED BY
BURMA-SHAVE
1938
DON'T TAKE
A CURVE
AT 60 PER
WE HATE TO LOSE
A CUSTOMER
BURMA-SHAVE
1939
PAST SCHOOLHOUSES
TAKE IT SLOW
LET THE LITTLE
SHAVERS GROW
BURMA-SHAVE
1940
DON'T STICK
YOUR ELBOW
OUT SO FAR
IT MIGHT GO HOME
IN ANOTHER CAR
BURMA-SHAVE
1940
SHE KISSED
THE HAIRBRUSH
BY MISTAKE
SHE THOUGHT IT WAS
HER HUSBAND JAKE
BURMA-SHAVE
1942
PA ACTED
SO TICKLED
MA THOT
HE WAS PICKLED
HE'S JUST TRIED
BURMA-SHAVE
1947
THAT SHE
COULD COOK
HE HAD HIS DOUBTS
UNTIL SHE CREAMED
HIS BRISTLE SPROUTS WITH
BURMA-SHAVE
1950
THE WHALE
PUT JONAH
DOWN THE HATCH
BUT COUGHED HIM UP
BECAUSE HE SCRATCHED
BURMA-SHAVE
1951
I KNOW
HE'S A WOLF
SAID RIDING HOOD
BUT GRANDMA DEAR
HE SMELLS SO GOOD
BURMA-SHAVE
PITY ALL
THE MIGHTY CEASARS
THEY PULLED
EACH WHISKER OUT
WITH TWEEZERS
BURMA-SHAVE
WITHIN THIS VALE
OF TOIL AND SIN
YOUR HEAD GROWS BALD
BUT NOT YOUR CHIN
BURMA-SHAVE
Sunday, September 21, 1997
In a dreamier time, when families with cars went for a ride with no particular end in mind, when highway speed limits were 35, and when no one would think of dismissing you with his middle finger, Americans would round a bend or go over a rise and encounter a poem about married life.
DOES YOUR HUSBAND
MISBEHAVE
GRUNT AND GRUMBLE
RANT AND RAVE?
SHOOT THE BRUTE SOME
BURMA-SHAVE
The 600 Burma-Shave rhymes, which appeared in 7,000 locations from 1926 to 1963, were the centerpiece of an amazingly successful advertising campaign. How do you measure success? Three decades after the last signs were taken down -- victims of spiraling costs and drivers in faster cars with less time to read -- the verses remain a happy memory.
"They were everywhere and people in the car would stop talking when they saw one. Everybody wanted to read the signs and see if it was a new one," said Morris Goldstein, 70, of Fort Lee. "Everybody got a kick out of them."
Now the signs are coming back. The Burma-Shave products -- shave cream, after-shave lotion, and razors -- that all but disappeared around the time the signs were yanked also are about to make a return, and likely will appear on pharmacy shelves early in 1998.
The advertising to accompany this homecoming will take several forms, said Ken Goff, the marketing director of the American Safety Razor Co. of Vernon, Va., which owns the Burma-Shave name.
The verse will appear in television commercials and on store displays. But the company also plans a limited return to the side of the road. "We're bringing the signs back," Goff said. "They'll be a little bigger, of course, and they'll be spaced farther apart than the old ones so that people can absorb the message at today's highway speeds. But other than that, they'll look pretty much like the old ones."
A final decision on how many sets of signs to erect and where to put them has yet to be made. But one thing is certain: The company can't post 7,000 sets again. In the Twenties and Thirties, Burma-Shave gave farmers $5 a year and all the shaving cream they needed in exchange for permission to plant six consecutive signs, and that was the end of it. But nothing costs $5 anymore. Rent
and insurance alone would make the cost prohibitive, Goff said.
However many signs and wherever they're placed, the doggerel will be pure Burma-Shave -- six short lines of jingly words, two lines that rhyme (often impossibly), an occasional outrageous pun, all to promote the product or safe driving. And the famous last sign.
DRINKING DRIVERS,
Burma-Shave told us in 1959,
NOTHING WORSE
THEY PUT
THE QUART
BEFORE THE HEARSE
BURMA-SHAVE
But central to Burma-Shave's self-promotion was its loathing of whiskers
TO GET HIS GIRL'S
APPLAUSE,
NO MAN CAN RESEMBLE
SANTA CLAUS
its fixation on a certain body part
HE HAD THE RING
HE HAD THE FLAT
BUT SHE FELT HIS CHIN
AND THAT WAS THAT
and the news that women sought men who knew the wonders of a good close shave.
DOESN'T
KISS YOU
LIKE SHE
USETER?
PERHAPS SHE'S
SEEN
A SMOOTHER
ROOSTER
BURMA-SHAVE
If you believed the signs, this Burma-Shave was potent stuff. It got results, the signs assured us, for the sexually repressed men and women of the Fifties. Burma-Shave never referred to repression, much less sex.
DINAH DOESN'T
TREAT HIM RIGHT
BUT IF HE'D
SHAVE
DYNA-MITE!
BURMA-SHAVE
But here, Goff said, is the verse the company has decided will open the roadside sign campaign next year. It needs some work.
MANY FACES
YOUNG AND OLD
WILL SMILE AND CHEER
THAT DEAR OLD SHAVING LINE
IS BACK THIS YEAR
BURMA-SHAVE
That fourth line with its two too many syllables goes on forever, and the "old" twice in six short lines just doesn't work.
No matter. Goff says this will be worked out by the start of 1998.
One of the TV commercials test-marketed earlier this year depicted a man, maybe 50 years old, driving along in a '58 Corvette with his wife. She was supposed to be about 46, the company said at the time. She looked younger.
Who was that guy in the Corvette? He's Burma-Shave's target, a fiftyish man with an income of $75,000, a man who saw the signs along the highway when he was a kid going for a ride in the old Studebaker with Dad and Mom at a nice, sensible 35 mph clip with no particular end in mind.
Lucky Number Six
Using Burma-Vita as a base, Noren concocted 300 mixes, but a bottle of No. 143, accidentally aged, met all the conditions for a new brushless shaving cream.
And so Burma-Shave entered the world. Unknown, of course. So the company tried different advertising methods: jars on approval ("Take it home, try it, and if you like it, pay me 50 cents next week."); door-to-door sales; and retail sales, but to little avail. Sales were negligible. Burma-Shave was slowly swirling down the drain.
Then, while driving through Illinois one day, Allan spotted a set of four small serial signs alongside the road advertising a gas station. Each sign said something different: Gas, oil, restrooms. The last sign pointed to the gas station.
Allan wondered, why not advertise Burma-Shave with a series of signs by the side of the road? After all, the car had won the hearts of Americans. And more and more people were taking to the roads every day. Alan thought he had an idea that couldn't miss.
Except for one problem--his father was skeptical. Clinton consulted advertising people in Minneapolis and Chicago, who promptly pooh-poohed the idea. Six signs by the side of the road? Nah, wouldn't sell. Sales Management magazine didn't soft-soap words. It wrote "...wouldn't a legitimate advertising campaign do better?"
But Allan climbed onto his soapbox and convinced his father to give him $200 of company money to try his idea.
In September 1926, the brothers bought secondhand boards. "The boards had plenty of nail holes and some were burned on one side," says Leonard in The Verse by the Side of the Road. "We sawed them and painted them up, using a thin brass stencil and brush."
Just before winter set in, a dozen sets of signs, like Shave / the modern way / Fine /for the skin / Druggists have it / Burma-Shave, were dug in alongside roads from Minneapolis to Albert Lea, and Red Wing, MN. "Those signs were pretty crude," says Leonard. But they were effective, beyond anyone's wildest imaginings.
By January, the company was reaping its first repeat orders ever, from druggists serving travelers on those roads. Business skyrocketed from $0 to $68,000 in one year--a good "sign."
It had been a razor-close shave, but Burma-Shave was saved.
Doctors Of Diggography
Burma-Shave's early success required new jingles, and new signs. Allan took care of the jingles.
GOODBYE! SHAVING BRUSH
HALF A POUND FOR HALF A DOLLAR
VERY FINE FOR THE SKIN
DRUGGISTS HAVE IT
CHEER UP FACE THE WAR IS OVER
BURMA-SHAVE.
Together, Allan and Leonard took care of the signs. Allan reconnoitered new territory, finding straightaways long enough to allow motorists to read each sign. (So popular were the signs that travelers complained if even a single one could not be read as they passed by.) With a free jar of Burma-Shave in hand, he knocked at farm doors, and paid $25 for a year's lease on the roadside property.
Leonard followed in a truck filled with newly painted signs. With business
finished, they dug holes 100 feet apart, and planted the signs. "I dug every sign hole in the Midwest," says Leonard. "I learned the business from 3 feet under the ground, and up."
Eventually, a Burma-Shave truck with the diggers and sign maintainers became a common sight in 45 of the 48 contiguous states (except low-traffic Arizona, Nevada, and New Mexico). Sales mushroomed from zero gross in 1925 to $3 million during the company's heyday.
The Funny Business
In 1929, the first humor and rhymes appeared on Burma-Shave signs:
EVERY SHAVER
NOW CAN SNORE
SIX MORE MINUTES
THAN BEFORE
BY USING
BURMA-SHAVE.
The company also started a national competition for verses, offering $100 for prizes (later $1,000).
Fifty thousand entries a year flooded in, but only 20 verses were chosen each year. Businesslike at first,
SHAVE THE MODERN WAY
WASH THE FACE
APPLY WITH FINGERS
SHAVE
BIG TUBE 35C
BURMA-SHAVE (1928),
the verses became more humorous:
DOES YOUR HUSBAND
MISBEHAVE
GRUNT AND GRUMBLE
RANT AND RAVE
SHOOT THE BRUTE SOME
BURMA-SHAVE (1930);
HE PLAYED
A SAX
HAD NO B.O.
BUT HIS WHISKERS SCRATCHED
SO SHE LET HIM GO
BURMA-SHAVE (1932);
WHEN CUTTING
WHISKERS
YOU DON'T NEED
TO LEAVE ONE HALF
OF THEM FOR SEED
BURMA-SHAVE (1934).
Sometimes the humor backfired. A 1933 jingle read:
FREE OFFER! FREE OFFER!
RIP A FENDER
OFF YOUR CAR
MAIL IT IN
FOR A HALF-POUND JAR
BURMA-SHAVE.
At first, shavers sent fenders from toy cars. Then 25 crates of real fenders wended their way to the Minneapolis plant. In great good humor, the Odells mailed out half-pound jars to all senders, but took down the signs.
A second humorous sign got them in trouble years later. One night in 1955, Allan woke his wife Grace (the only presently surviving member of the original Burma-Shave clan). "He woke me many times in the middle of the night," says Grace. "He'd say, 'Grace, I've got another one,' and I'd take my flashlight and a pen and paper, and write the jingle down. It couldn't wait until I got up and turned on the light. By then he'd forget it!" she laughs.
This night he asked her to write:
FREE-FREE
A TRIP
TO MARS
FOR 900
EMPTY JARS
BURMA-SHAVE.
The signs went up. Curious questioners were informed in return letters:
IF A TRIP
TO MARS
YOU EARN
REMEMBER FRIEND
THERE'S NO RETURN.
But Arliss "Frenchy" French of Appleton, WI, would not take "no" for an answer. He retorted:
WHEN DEALING WITH BURMA
WE EXPECT
A QUICK SHAVE
WHY SPLIT HAIRS
ABOUT A TRIP
THAT I CRAVE?
The answer?
OUR ROCKETS ARE READY
WE AIN'T SPLITTING HAIRS
JUST SEND US
THE JARS
AND ARRANGE
YOUR AFFAIRS.
Which Frenchy did. He entered Minneapolis wearing a space costume, with a clear plastic bubble helmet, ready to blast off. And blast off he did--to Moers (pronounced mars), Germany, where he took Europe by storm, and garnered Burma-Shave tons of free advertising.
IF POETIC URGES
WON'T ABATE
FEARING JUNE
WILL BE TOO LATE
SEND OFF YOUR RHYME
YOU NEEDN'T WAIT
Remember the old Burma Shave signs?
PAST SCHOOL HOUSES
TAKE IT SLOW
LET THE LITTLE
SHAVERS GROW.
EVERY SHEBA
WANTS A SHEIK
STRONG OF MUSCLE
SMOOTH OF CHEEK.
Few things recall America's lost innocence better than those old Burma Shave signs that flourished in a time of family picnics and quiet Sundays at
Grandma's house:
IF WIFIE SHUNS
YOUR FOND EMBRACE
DON'T SHOOT THE ICEMAN
FEEL YOUR FACE.
HENRY THE EIGHTH
PRINCE OF FRISKERS
LOST FIVE WIVES
BUT KEPT HIS WHISKERS.
Can you imagine trying to enjoy those jingles in today's freeway traffic? We can barely read the exit numbers. And if you see an advertisement, it will be shouting at you, threatening you with underarm wetness or some other dreadful ailment. It won't contain the serene good humor of Burma Shave's poets:
IF YOU MUST SAMPLE
HER PUCKER PAINT
BETTER DRIVE
WHERE TRAFFIC AIN'T.
CAR IN DITCH
DRIVER IN TREE
MOON WAS FULL
AND SO WAS HE.
The signs were the brainchild of Allen Odell, son of Burma Shave's founder, Clifford Odell. Allen put up his first signs in a farmer's field near Minneapolis in 1925. He got the idea from gas station signs that told travelers there were gas, oil and restrooms ahead. Allen thought, Why couldn't you sell shaving cream that way?
He convinced his father to give him $200 to try the idea. With used boards, he erected a dozen sets of signs. And it worked. Orders started pouring in when travelers asked druggists about that shaving cream they saw mentioned on some funny signs.
DOES YOUR HUSBAND MISBEHAVE
GRUNT AND GRUMBLE
RANT AND RAVE
SHOOT THE BRUTE
SOME BURMA SHAVE.
It was a brilliant idea. America in the 1930s was torn by the Great Depression. Spirits were low. But here was a little company brightening the countryside with cheerful rhymes. Some offered lighthearted observations like:
DIPLOMACY IS
TO DO AND SAY
THE NASTIEST THINGS
IN THE NICEST WAY.
Others performed public service by reminding drivers of their responsibilities:
HER CHARIOT RACED
80 PER
THEY HAULED AWAY
WHAT HAD BEN HUR.
CATTLE CROSSING
PLEASE DRIVE SLOW
THAT OLD BULL
IS SOME COW'S BEAU.
At one time, over 7,000 sets of Burma Shave signs entertained travelers across the U.S. Poets from all over the country submitted jingles. Some had to be censored, like this one which was never used:
MY MAN WON'T SHAVE
SAID HAZEL HUZ
BUT I DON'T WORRY
DORA'S DOES.
Others came close to being censored but were used:
SUBSTITUTES
CAN LET YOU DOWN
QUICKER THAN
A STRAPLESS GOWN.
But eventually times changed. America's countryside shrank due to superhighways and faster cars. Huge billboards outshouted the little signs. In 1963 the Odells sold their company to a conglomerate that ordered the removal of the signs. Today one of the last signs has been preserved in the Smithsonian museum. Ironically it
reads:
SHAVING BRUSHES
YOU'LL SOON SEE 'EM
ON THE SHELF
IN SOME MUSEUM.
The others remain only in the memory of people who can recall a different, less hurried way of doing business in America. But what was the creator's favorite jingle? Allen Odell said it was:
WITHIN THIS VALE
OF TOIL AND SIN
YOUR HEAD GROWS BALD
BUT NOT YOUR CHIN.
Ah, Burma Shave. Ah, America.
SHAVING BRUSHES
YOU'LL SOON SEE 'EM
ON THE SHELF
IN SOME MUSEUM
BURMA-SHAVE
A SEATBELT SAVED
MY BROTHER JOHN
NOT HIS CAR
THAT WAS MEANT
FOR THE AUTOBAHN
BURMA-SHAVE
Submitted by
Clinton Odell Robinson
Miami, FL
Great-grandson of Clinton Odell
(the founder of Burma-Shave's
parent company, Burma Vita Corp.)
What an honor!
THOSE LITTLE SIGNS
THEY BROUGHT US JOY
BUT DON'T YOU KNOW
LIKE ALL GOOD THINGS
THEY HAD TO GO
BURMA-SHAVE
Submitted by
Karen Kohler
Waynesboro, PA
BERNARD BAILY
TOOK A CHANCE
HE SHAVED NOT ONCE
GOT NO ROMANCE
BURMA-SHAVE
Submitted by
Tara Adina Einziger
Boston, MA
IF LIFE ON THE FAST LANE
IS THE WAY YOU'VE STEERED
YOU WON'T LIVE LONG
TO GROW A BEARD
BURMA-SHAVE
Submitted by
Chris Wyller
Gardner, KS
A FARMER AND A CHICKEN
DRIVING DOWN THE ROAD
THE CHICKEN LAID
A GOLDEN EGG
NOW THE FARMER HAS
A NEW ABODE
BURMA-SHAVE
Submitted by
Leslie Zatyko
Santa Ana, CA
NOT 90 PER
PLEASE BE A PAL
SAVE YOUR CLOSE SHAVES
JUST FOR YOUR GAL
BURMA-SHAVE
Submitted by
Dave Frykland
Redwood City, CA
WHEN DRIVING DOWN
THE ROAD OF LIFE
BETTER TO HIT THE BRAKES
THAN TO HIT YOUR WIFE
BURMA-SHAVE
Submitted by
Woody Meredith
Greeneville, TN
WE'VE HAD SEVERAL WINNERS
SINCE THIS CONTEST'S BEGUN
SEND ME YOUR CREATION
AND BE THE NEXT ONE!
BURMA-SHAVE
MY MAN WON'T SHAVE
SAID HAZEL HUZ
BUT I DON'T WORRY
DORA'S DOES
BURMA-SHAVE
YOU KNOW YOUR ONIONS
LETTUCE SUPPOSE
THIS BEET 'EM ALL
DON'T TURNIP YOUR NOSE
BURMA-SHAVE
THE MONKEY TOOK
ONE LOOK AT JIM
AND THREW THE PEANUTS
BACK AT HIM
HE NEEDED
BURMA-SHAVE
THIS WILL NEVER
COME TO PASS
A BACK-SEAT DRIVER
OUT OF GAS
BURMA-SHAVE
TRAIN WRECKS FEW
REASON CLEAR
FIREMAN NEVER HUGS
ENGINEER
BURMA-SHAVE
'TWOULD BE MORE FUN
TO GO BY AIR
IF WE COULD PUT
THESE SIGNS UP THERE
BURMA-SHAVE
A NUT AT THE WHEEL
A PEACH AT HIS RIGHT
CURVE AHEAD
SALAD TONIGHT
BURMA-SHAVE
IT'S BEST FOR ONE
WHO HITS THE BOTTLE
TO LET ANOTHER
USE THE THROTTLE
BURMA-SHAVE
WHY IS IT
WHEN YOU TRY TO PASS
THE GUY IN FRONT
GOES TWICE AS FAST?
BURMA-SHAVE
GRANDPA'S OUT WITH
JUNIOR'S DATE
OLD TECHNIQUE
WITH BRAND NEW BAIT
BURMA-SHAVE
IF HARMONY
IS WHAT YOU CRAVE
THEN GET
A TUBA
BURMA-SHAVE
HINKY-DINKY
PARLEY VOO
CHEER UP THE FACE
THE WAR IS THRU
BURMA-SHAVE
SHE KISSED THE HAIRBRUSH
BY MISTAKE
SHE THOUGHT IT WAS
HER HUSBAND JAKE
BURMA-SHAVE
DINAH DOESN'T
TREAT HIM RIGHT
BUT IF HE'D SHAVE
DYNA-MITE!
BURMA-SHAVE
A MAN - A MISS
A CAR - A CURVE
HE KISSED THE MISS
AND MISSED THE CURVE
BURMA-SHAVE
THE BLACKENED FOREST
SMOLDERS YET
BECAUSE HE FLIPPED
A CIGARETTE
BURMA-SHAVE
SAID FARMER BROWN
WHO'S BALD ON TOP
"WISH I COULD
ROTATE THE CROP"
BURMA-SHAVE
HEAVEN'S LATEST
NEOPHYTE
SIGNALLED LEFT
THEN TURNED RIGHT
BURMA-SHAVE
THIS IS NOT
A CLEVER VERSE
I TRIED AND TRIED
BUT JUST GOT WORSE
BURMA-SHAVE
A GUY WHO WANTS
TO MIDDLE-AISLE IT
MUST NEVER SCRATCH
HIS LITTLE VIOLET
BURMA-SHAVE
THE HOBO
LETS HIS WHISKERS SPROUT
IT'S TRAINS--NOT GIRLS
THAT HE TAKES OUT
BURMA-SHAVE
AROUND THE CURVE
LICKETY-SPLIT
IT'S A BEAUTIFUL CAR
WASN'T IT?
BURMA-SHAVE
WILD MEN PULLED
THEIR WHISKERS OUT
THAT'S WHAT MADE THEM
WILD NO DOUBT
BURMA-SHAVE
LISTEN BIRDS
THESE SIGNS COST MONEY
SO ROOST AWHILE
BUT DON'T GET FUNNY
BURMA-SHAVE
ON CURVES AHEAD
REMEMBER, SONNY
THAT RABBIT'S FOOT
DIDN'T SAVE THE BUNNY
BURMA-SHAVE
IF YOU DISLIKE
BIG TRAFFIC FINES
SLOW DOWN 'TILL YOU
CAN READ THESE SIGNS
BURMA-SHAVE
IF WIFIE SHUNS
YOUR FOND EMBRACE
DON'T SHOOT THE ICEMAN
FEEL YOUR FACE
BURMA-SHAVE
A PEACH LOOKS GOOD
WITH LOTS OF FUZZ
BUT MAN'S NO PEACH
AND NEVER WAS
BURMA-SHAVE
SAID JULIET
TO ROMEO
"IF YOU WON'T SHAVE
GO HOMEO"
BURMA-SHAVE
CAR IN DITCH
DRIVER IN TREE
MOON WAS FULL
AND SO WAS HE
BURMA-SHAVE
A GIRL SHOULD HOLD ON
TO HER YOUTH
BUT NOT
WHEN HE'S DRIVING
BURMA-SHAVE
"AT EASE," SHE SAID
"MANEUVERS BEGIN
WHEN YOU GET THOSE WHISKERS
OFF YOUR CHIN"
BURMA-SHAVE
DON'T STICK YOUR ELBOW
OUT SO FAR
IT MIGHT GO HOME
IN ANOTHER CAR
BURMA-SHAVE
HE MARRIED GRACE
WITH SCRATCHY FACE
HE ONLY GOT
ONE DAY OF GRACE!
BURMA-SHAVE
SEND ME YOUR OWN RHYME
ABOUT ANYTHING'S FINE
IF I THINK IT'S A WINNER
IT'LL GO ON MY
BURMA-SHAVE SIGN
CREATE YOUR RHYME
DON'T DELAY
SIGN MY GUESTBOOK
DO IT TODAY!
BURMA-SHAVE
HERE ARE SOME VERSES SUBMITTED FOR A CONTEST FEATURED HERE ON THE 'NET THANKS TO ALL THAT ENTERED IS THIS FUN? YOU BET!
WE'VE MADE GRANDPA
LOOK SO TRIM
THE LOCAL DRAFT BOARD'S
AFTER HIM
BURMA-SHAVE
PEDRO WALKED BACK HOME, BY GOLLY
HIS BRISTLY CHIN
WAS HOT-TO-MOLLY
BURMA-SHAVE
WHEN THE STORK
DELIVERS A BOY
OUR WHOLE DARN FACTORY
JUMPS FOR JOY
BURMA-SHAVE
OUR FORTUNE
IS YOUR SHAVEN FACE
IT'S OUR BEST
ADVERTISING SPACE
BURMA-SHAVE
THE POOREST GUY
IN THE HUMAN RACE
CAN HAVE A
MILLION DOLLAR FACE
BURMA-SHAVE
THIRTY DAYS
HATH SEPTEMBER
APRIL, JUNE
AND THE SPEED OFFENDER
BURMA-SHAVE
IF DAISIES ARE YOUR
FAVORITE FLOWER
KEEP PUSHIN' UP THOSE
MILES-PER-HOUR
BURMA-SHAVE
SUBSTITUTES
CAN LET YOU DOWN
QUICKER THAN A
STRAPLESS GOWN
BURMA-SHAVE
THE BIG BLUE TUBE'S
JUST LIKE LOUISE
YOU GET A THRILL
FROM EVERY SQUEEZE
BURMA-SHAVE
"NO, NO," SHE SAID
TO HER BRISTLY BEAU
"I'D RATHER EAT
THE MISTLETOE"
BURMA-SHAVE
TRAIN APPROACHING
WHISTLE SQUEALING
PAUSE! AVOID THAT
RUNDOWN FEELING!
BURMA-SHAVE
UNLESS YOUR FACE
IS STINGER FREE
YOU'D BETTER LET
YOUR HONEY BE
BURMA-SHAVE
THIS CREAM MAKES THE
GARDENER'S DAUGHTER
PLANT HER TU-LIPS
WHERE SHE OUGHTER
BURMA-SHAVE
IF YOUR PEACH
KEEPS OUT OF REACH
BETTER PRACTICE
WHAT WE PREACH
BURMA-SHAVE
TO KISS A MUG
THAT'S LIKE A CACTUS
TAKES MORE NERVE
THAN IT DOES PRACTICE
BURMA-SHAVE
THE WEATHER WAS CLEAR
THE CARS WAS WHIZZIN'
THE FAULT WAS HERS
THE FUNERAL HIS'N
BURMA-SHAVE
MANY A FOREST
USED TO STAND
WHERE A LIGHTED MATCH
GOT OUT OF HAND
BURMA-SHAVE
SHE EYED HIS BEARD
AND SAID, "NO DICE
THE WEDDING'S OFF
I'LL COOK THE RICE"
BURMA-SHAVE
FREE OFFER! FREE OFFER!
RIP A FENDER OFF YOUR CAR
MAIL IT IN FOR
A HALF-POUND JAR
BURMA-SHAVE
FREE - FREE
A TRIP TO MARS
FOR 900
EMPTY JARS
BURMA-SHAVE
DON'T TRY PASSING
ON A SLOPE
UNLESS YOU HAVE
A PERISCOPE
BURMA-SHAVE
HENRY THE EIGHTH
SURE HAD TROUBLE
SHORT-TERM WIVES
LONG-TERM STUBBLE
BURMA-SHAVE
BE A MODERN
PAUL REVERE
SPREAD GOOD NEWS
FROM EAR TO EAR
BURMA-SHAVE
A CHRISTMAS HUG
A BIRTHDAY KISS
AWAITS THE WOMAN
WHO GIVES THIS
BURMA-SHAVE
SHE PUT A BULLET
THROUGH HIS HAT
BUT HE'S HAD CLOSER
SHAVES THAN THAT
WITH BURMA-SHAVE
BACHELORS QUARTERS
DOG ON THE RUG
WHISKERS TO BLAME
NO ONE TO HUG
BURMA-SHAVE
A CHIN WHERE
BARBED WIRE BRISTLES STAND
IS BOUND TO BE
A NO MA'AMS LAND
BURMA-SHAVE
PAST SCHOOLHOUSES
TAKE IT SLOW
LET THE LITTLE
SHAVERS GROW
BURMA-SHAVE
THE BEARDED LADY
TRIED A JAR
SHE'S NOW A FAMOUS
MOVIE STAR